Sunday, March 8, 2009

something old that I wrote

I wrote this a few months ago this last summer, that would be summer of 2008

Tonight I was driving home late from Breanne’s house. I left the cities a little before 9 pm and while I am not afraid of night driving it still makes me nervous because of the deer on the road. Months ago I almost hit a deer while doing 70+ on the freeway late at night and I have always been a bit paranoid about it ever since then. But tonight I don’t want to share a deer story; I want to tell you about something else that happened.
It is late here and I am a bit tired. I love going to Twins games but for some reason they always kind of tire me out. I don’t know why it is. Perhaps it is the atmosphere or the dome dogs or just the fact that you are sitting in this little plastic seat for three hours. Whatever it is, I know that driving after the game is always a bit exhausting.
The strangest thing about tonight was that after a long day of playing with my nephew and niece and then watching the Twins and then hanging with friends, I started to numb up on the way home. For some reason I felt strangely out of body tonight and I was noticing the fact that I couldn’t feel my left hand which was firmly attached to the steering wheel. The whole experience was rather nerve-wracking and I was wondering why things felt as strange as they did. I am not drinking at all right now so the fact that I felt so out of it had nothing to do with alcohol.
Then I saw a streak of light and in my mind I thought “deer!” and I gripped the steering column with all my might and my feet were tensed to hit the brake and the clutch. Those sudden jolts of adrenaline can make you feel alert and disoriented at the same time if you are ever tired and paranoid and tonight was no different. But instead of being a furry friend of the road I realized it was nothing more than a low hanging shooting star.
Quickly, I gathered my thoughts and decided to make a wish. I still love the idea of wishing on shooting stars and tonight I wanted to search for my heart’s desire and wish for that and that alone.
I searched my thoughts quickly (it wasn’t hard as tired as I was) and I discarded the basic fun wishes that everyone always wishes for. And then it came to me.
What do I really have to wish for?

Now bear with me for a moment because I can see you thinking, “Erik, what do you mean what do you have to wish for? Everyone always has stuff they wouldn’t mind having!”
At this moment I knew that as I searched for my heart’s desire that I was going to come up empty. I don’t know how I knew this but I did. All our lives we wish for more money or a better job or better looks or to lose weight or find that special someone.
I realized at that moment tonight how little I have to wish for that I don’t already have. And it was an insight to the love God has given me in my life. He has supplied so readily and abundantly for me I already have everything I need through Him.
I have a job when so many don’t, I have a nice car, a place to live, food, and friends who truly love me. This last one is especially important to me because for those of you who know me well know that I have dealt a lot with self love and accepting the fact that I have friends out there who love me no matter how many dumb things I have done in my life.
And it doesn’t matter if I ever find another job even though many of you know this isn’t my dream job and I hope to move on in a couple years. And it doesn’t matter if I don’t have a fancy apartment or if I have friends over every night. I have friends and others don’t and I know I love them and more importantly to me in many ways; I know they love me as well. And I may never get married and I definitely want to but I have so much love in my life and there are people that have none and they don’t realize that they have a God who accepts them and wants them to be better and have those friends and experience that love.
We all want more in our lives and I am not saying I am different. But for just a moment tonight I stepped back and asked what I have to have in my life that I don’t and I have realized that God has given us everything we truly need already and I am grateful for it.
The rest of the trip was an amazing experience as I didn’t worry about deer and I just let myself open up and smile at the wonderful things I do have in my life. I called a few friends to talk about it but my phone had lousy reception so instead here it is written out. Thank you God for what you have given us all in our lives even though we sometimes don’t realize that You wouldn’t leave us without what we truly need.

1 comment:

  1. I missed the title of this post when I first started reading. I was thinking, "I KNOW he told me this story before." Then I re-read the title.

    Either way, the only thing I was going to write in this little box was...